"Have you ever dated a nudist?" Of all the weird opening messages I've received on a dating site, this wins, hands (or other naked body parts) down. "Sven" was a very attractive Nordic looking paramedic from Long Island. A short 75 minute ferry ride plus 20 minute drive away. That's a bit of a haul … Continue reading Skin-ny dipping
"Who broke you?" Someone I hadn’t spoken to in many years recently asked me this question. I was talking about where my life had taken me in the last decade and how I had basically built a wall around myself that Trump would be insanely jealous of. Sure, I have logical reasons. Online dating now … Continue reading Lessons I learned from Ryan Gosling
It’s July, so that means it is time for my Annual Date from Hell. In other words, the one date that goes so badly it makes me quit dating for another year. (For recent misadventures, see here or here.) This year I’ve been having trouble finding anyone who remotely appealed to me. And then today … Continue reading Welcome to the Spinster Bachelorette!
For some reason, probably because I was a Black Widow who craftily murdered her husbands or a saucy plundering pirate wench in a past life, the Universe is punishing me now in the dating department. I have inexplicably gone on dates with multiple guys (relax, not at the same time—those aren’t “dates”) who hate dogs. … Continue reading Sorry, dog, you’re not getting any
In many ways I’m an environmentalist. I hug trees, and I’d hug a harp seal to save it from clubbing, and wrote my law school thesis on the failures of Canadian fisheries policies that led to the collapse of Atlantic cod stocks. But I have my limits. Like I need a shower every morning. I’ll … Continue reading Not the A-Team. Not even the C-Team.
I went on a date Friday night. I tell you this so you will understand that I have fulfilled my date quota for the year and you won’t have the expectation of further dating stories this year. Any future dating posts are probably either made up, fantasies (especially if they involve Ryan Reynolds lookalikes), or are … Continue reading Does this make me Rue McClanahan?
I want a champion. Blame it on being hormonal and watching “Eat Pray Love” for the 256th time this weekend. I don’t want a man, I want a champion. Ugh. It saddens me to say that I’m a cliché now. I worked damn hard at becoming an independent badass. I’ve spent the last few weeks really … Continue reading What’s in a name? A LOT.
For some reason, people tend to look at you funny when you mention that you’ve paid for sex. I mean, really. It was one time. Even Hugh Grant did that, and he’s very funny. Sure I could justify it as creating source material for a blog idea four years into the future when I’ve run … Continue reading I deserve the Nobel Peace Prize
I had an Aha! moment this weekend, while cleaning out the umpteen shoe boxes buried under ¾” of dust under my bed. I don’t mean A-ha, like “Take on Me”, which was a totally awesome music video, even though I was listening to my 80s playlist at the time. If you now have that song … Continue reading I don’t fear dating; maybe I just fear slutty shoes
I’ve been on the South Beach Diet since 2014. Oh wait, no, it’s been 6 days. Zero alcohol, zero carbs. It’s difficult to be funny when I’m this cranky. And I don’t know what to do with all the time I used to spend drinking wine. Out of total boredom, I decided to go back … Continue reading Since Justin Trudeau isn’t available anytime soon…