There are some things one can only achieve by a deliberate leap in the opposite direction.”— Franz Kafka.
I suppose it’s not a good sign for a blog that strives to be funny that I am quoting Kafka. I promise I won’t get all weird and talk about bugs. But hey, I’m back, bitches! It’s been a long time. I know, I haven’t aged at all.
With the prospect of an election year, I have emerged from my nuclear bunker constructed during the great “Rocketman”/”Dotard” Twitter War like a chubby groundhog hoping to see my shadow. Or really to refill my wine.
You see, I lost the desire to write. I lost the will to find love (or even serious like) again. I spent the last year in a bubble, which is helpful when the Coronavirus is on our doorstep, so I may grab a few boxes of wine and submerge myself again. I lost all motivation for life. Was it a bubble or a cocoon? Cocoons are kind of slimy I think, and I’m an obsessive germophobe, so I’ll stick with bubble. Like one of those Zorbs rolling down a New Zealand hill, which I always wanted to try. Maybe next on my travel bucket list.
Other than my vacation to Spain, there were few highlights to even write about. I still take care of Miss Daisy. I’m still in the same challenging yet claustrophobic job. I’m 46 now, which is apparently the age when everything starts to fall apart. I am convinced Jennifer Aniston has struck some deal with the devil to look so good at 51. Perhaps they had sex when she and Ross were on a break.
The holidays seemed to be a turning point for me, with the prospect of a romance that really shook me out of my long-suffering and boring rut. It briefly inspired some blog ideas, but as usual, the Universe had other plans. And life lessons from the Universe really don’t lend themselves to comedic blog posts. You don’t want to hear sad, weepy me. I even get sick of that girl. She needs to fly somewhere random, get a new tattoo and have sex with a hot guy with an accent (or I’d settle for a guy with a hot accent…See? I haven’t changed much).
I’m here, at a proverbial crossroads. I’ve lost the wild child I used to be and I hate that. My New Year’s Resolution was to make more bad decisions. Because bad decisions are 95% of this blog’s content, and sometimes make for fun detours in life. I’m not doing too well sticking to it, but I still have 3/4 of the year to pick up the pace.
I know the big picture of where I want to end up. And that’s a country with socialized medicine and actual environmental protections. The only transferable skill I have is writing. So, somehow, some way, I need to find the will to write again. And relaunching my semi-defunct blog seems the best way to find my writing mojo again.
Maybe in the process I will find my hojo again. Because God knows I need that too, and prostitution might be a good fallback career option. Perhaps I need to move to the Netherlands.