Who doesn’t love A Few Good Men?

Note:  This post is from a prompt in my writing group.  The challenge was to pick the 14th photo in your Facebook album and write about it. This is my story.

I’ve never been a fan of parties. I don’t mix well with crowds. I suck at making small talk. I prefer to linger by the bar and find an equally socially awkward person to join me in making snarky comments about the other guests. But there was something about the potential for comic relief in a “Tom Cruise Movie” costume theme party that I couldn’t resist.

Despite the allure of the theme, I wasn’t about to invest a lot of money in a costume. For one thing, there is always the potential that my friends would disappear for an extended period and I could escape unnoticed to go home and drink alone if the party was too tortuous. I also find Tom Cruise to incredibly creepy in his old age, and I was afraid there would be some strange Scientology brainwashing agenda behind the party, so I was not prepared to fully commit.

I contemplated taking one of my awkward childhood photos, blowing it up and fashioning it into a mask to portray Johnny Cade, Ralph Macchio’s character in The Outsiders. It would not only be cheap and easy, but also quite comfortable. But I thought it probably would not be helpful for meeting men. I figured the odds would favor there being a few stray Marines from A Few Good Men there, and a Ralph Macchio/Danielle at 13 mask would be a bit of a cock block.

I finally settled on dressing as an extra from Eyes Wide Shut. What could be more simple than a black dress and mask? It would also be useful if I wanted to be a Renaissance era Venetian hooker for Halloween. I never actually watched the entire movie though, so I’m not sure it was entirely accurate. I can’t stand Stanley Kubrick films, because I’m a woman and not on any psychedelic drugs. Then again, I’m not sure anyone actually made it through that entire movie, so I figured I could get away with it.

venetian hooker

My costume decision proved to be a good choice, as I was immediately approached by a rugged looking guy with a bad fake Irish accent as Tom Cruise’s Joseph from Far and Away. The accent was still better than the one in the actual movie, but I didn’t think I could listen to this guy for days on end, and frankly, the accent was the only thing holding my interest. I still considered him to be do-able, until my hormones’ version of a Mardi Gras parade entered the room—the entire shirtless volleyball scene from Top Gun.

That’s right, Iceman. I am dangerous…

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