I have a muse! I never even knew he existed until today. His name is Momus, the Greek god of satire. (Not to be confused with Momus the Scottish singer with an eyepatch who looks just weird enough that he must have competed in the Eurovision song contest.) @OfficialMomus, as I’m sure his Twitter handle would be, is known for his satire, censure and criticism. Apparently he was exiled from Mt. Olympus for making comments such as “Zeus is a womanizer” and “Aphrodite wears creaky sandals.” Totally true, Wikipedia doesn’t lie.
I’m not really sure what one does with a muse. I contemplated make a tiki-like muse-head necklace so I could hang out with @OfficialMomus and we could mock the old people who mall-walk or the online dates meeting for the first time at Starbucks. Seems like he would enjoy that. Or maybe I should make some kind of shrine to him, but I’m not really sure what kind of offerings one gives to Greek gods. I’m afraid it would end up looking like the front yard of ‘My Big Fat Greek Wedding’, with a spit and giant flag. Perhaps he would enjoy some Hunter S. Thompson books and ouzo.
I admit I am a little skeptical of just how good of a muse @OfficialMomus is, when the best insult he can come up with is about Aphrodite’s shoes. It makes me question whether he was the Joan Rivers of Mt. Olympus, and well, I never found Joan Rivers very funny. @OfficialMomus would probably agree with me on that point, and if he lives up to his reputation would have a few plastic surgery jokes lined up.
Still, it’s a harsh penalty being exiled from Mt. Olympus for a few smartass comments. I kind of feel like he was bullied by the other gods. This led me to wonder what I would do if I were banished from society for my jokes. If I were @OfficialMomus, I would go to Tromso, Norway above the Arctic Circle. Mt. Olympus was probably very nice, but also very white. White everywhere….white togas, white clouds, white mountaintops. Plain white Greek yogurt. Blech. If you are really a god, then why not go somewhere with color. Still remote and peaceful enough to admire the millions of stars in the night sky and the mysteries of the universe. Where there are mountaintops to climb and look down on the “lesser people” who don’t measure up to your godlike stature. Where there are polar bears, and caribou, and wolverines, and a lot of other badass species to remind the others that you are a badass god. And where the night sky dances in tune to Pink Floyd like your very own laser light show.
I’ll have to question these life choices with @OfficialMomus.